Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Soooo tired

Last night my senior seminar group worked all evening and into the late night on our presentation that is tomorrow morning. It's 45% of our grade and we're a little nervous. I did not get much sleep which I haven't been getting much of lately anyway. Then this morning around 5 am my roommate, Karla, woke me because she was in a whole lot of pain. I tried my best to remedy it and to make her feel better, but I am not God or even a doctor. So we went to the doctor this morning. She's on her way to recovery and I am very glad of that. I hate to see her in such pain. But I am exhausted. I think a nap is in store for this afternoon. Oh, great times with Beth Marshal yesterday at lunch. God answered many prayers through and in that and I was a huge blessing and encouragement to me. Yea God!

Friday, October 22, 2004

woh, woh, woh

So....something great happened on Wednesday!!!!! My good friend, Aaron, committed his life to Christ. And it was truly amazing. He's a completely different person and he really radiates Jesus. I'm lovin' it. It's wonderful to see how God works in people's lives and to really know that He never gives up on His and the pursual of us, even when we tell him to leave us alone. Praise God for His faithfulness and goodness.

Last night was homegroups, which by the way is incredible encouraging and always a lot of fun. If you are not involved in a home group, you better have a good reason. They are great. Last night we talked about "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but acknowledge Him in all you do and He will direct your path." So good. We really dug in and broke down the verse piece by piece and talked about what it meant. Very refreshing. We then had some fun times afterwards, just talking. Let me say a quick thank you to a Mr. Nick Charlombous (sp) for being a wonderful encouragement last night and always. Really he is. If there were more people in the world like him, we'd be livin' it up. He's quite hilarious too:)

Well....this afternoon Jen, my sis, and I leave for GA to see some family and have some ministry partnership appointments. I'm also going to pick up my good friend, Amy Kaylor. She's flying down from Ohis to see me!!! We planned it over the summer and it's finally here. I can't believe it. I'm super stoked. I'm attempting to make an old fashioned dinner like mom makes. Wish me luck, I don't really know what I'm doing I don't think. We'll see how it goes. I'm a little nervous.

You know...I've been doing quite a lot of thinking. I know, not surprising, or maybe it is. But....anyway I have. About so many things. About life and the future and what my life entails right now. When I think about my life and my future and all the stuff that comes along with it I think about being faithful and leaving a legacy. I was talking to my roommate the other day about leaving a lasting legacy, but not just any legacy, a great one. I think that when people think about me or if they were to describe me to someone they would stay stuff that I don't really care about. The things that I want people to say about me are things that I don't think would be said. Therefore, I don't like the legacy I'm leaving for right now. I'm working on it. Actually God is working through me to change that and I'm grateful.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

God's grace, faithfulness and beauty

I know...it's weird. I'm writing on a day other than Friday. Well...I actually have some time, so here I go.

God has been doing amazing things in my life lately. I'm going to be frank and honest right now. I have been about to burst at the seems with excitement and love for my God who is truly the most beautiful person in the world. The essence of Him is beauty, He cries it with every breath.
Anyway, I've been about to burst. Really, what I want is to share openly with someone, anyone who will listen to how great He is. He has been more than gracious to me in this past month. But I don't feel like there is anyone to share with. Something awoke inside of me about 3-4 weeks ago one afternoon while sitting on bed praying and crying out to Him with everything I had in me. Crying with sorrow and pain and it was in that moment that I felt Him holding me close to him. One thing that I long for more than anything when I get to Heaven is His arms around me holding me close. He knew that and He gave me that while I was still on earth when I needed it most. He knew my heart and He heardto my cry. I took my troubles to the Lord; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer. Psalm 120:1 Since that moment that afternoon on my bed I feel as though my eyes have been opened to the beauty of Christ and the beauty of all He has made and what He is doing in the lives of His children. I feel enormous gratitude and thankfulness for...well...everything. Really. Words really cannot explain the desiring of my heart right now or all the thoughts, visions, ideas, dreams, love that I have filling me at this moment. I've been fearful that this amazing gift of gratitude and overwhelming peace will leave me. That the joy I've found would somehow disappear, but it's not. It never will, I pray it won't anyway. I have been more happy these past weeks than I have ever been in my whole life despite circumstances and the fact nothing spectacular has happened to me in the world's eyes. I want Him, I desire Him and nothing is getting in my way of getting Him. I want to love the things that He loves and hate the things that He hates. I want to see the world through His beautiful eyes and love His children with his beautiful heart. God has given me a gift that I am eternally grateful for. I don't just mean my salvation, that is only a small part. But rather, the ability to love people more than they ask of me, the ability to see pain and want it gone, the ability to trust Him with everything that envelopes me, the ability to cry and to laugh and rejoice in a friend like no other. I know God has something incredible planned for my life. That has been told to me my entire life, but I now believe it. I am going to do something great for God. It will be for God and for no other. Not a single person in this world may ever know what it is or may ever know the deepest longings and joys of my heart, but my God does and He will hold me close one day. He'll hold me closer than anyone else and every second of every minute of every day will be worth it for that moment.

As if that weren't long enough, I've decided that since I'm busting at the seems to share about the incredible things that God reveals to me and teaches me and breaks me with, I'm using this amazing opportunity of blogging to share. Thanks for reading and always keep me in your prayers that this deep longing and love my Savior would never, never go away.

Friday, October 15, 2004

9 weeks!

I have a little over 9 weeks until graduation! A little over eight until my last exam and 8 weeks until my last class in college. It's crazy, exciting and scary, but yea!!!!

I spoke at a church this past weekend and I did so well. Really, I did. But before you think, "Wow, she's arrogant." It was totally and completely God. I do'nt like to speak in front of people and I'm not that good at it. I was so nervous before I went up there, but God took complete control and He spoke through me up there. I didn't have to use my notes and things really flowed. Thanks be to God for doing His thang.

Honestly, this week has been a little blah. I can't tell you why exactly, I don't really know. Nothing traumatic has happened or anything bad. It's just not been great. I think I'm just thinking about things too much and pondering on them for way too long, which is making me worried. So....instead of casting all of my burdens on Him, they are hanging over me, which is weighing me down. Prayers please.

One wonderful thing that I can say is that it is good to be alive. I am constantly amazed at how beautiful life is. God created it to be so beautiful and we create to be something ugly. Is it so hard/bad to rejoice at life, really rejoice? God is beautiful and I'm seeing that more and more each day. Words cannot express. Lately, ideas, dreams, thoughts, visions have just been overwhelming. I don't believe they are coincidences. At a time when I feel more alive with Christ and more in love with Him than ever I believe He's putting these there. It's exciting really. I can't wait to see what happens.

Friday, October 08, 2004

I'm sorry, what?!?!

So...it's Friday. Thank the Lord. I'm going home today!!! Jen and I are going. I have appointments for support raising all weekend and I'm actually speaking at a church on Sunday morning, in which I haven't prepared enough for. I have prepared, but not enough. I need to get on that. I have a lovely eye appointment on Monday morning. I'm getting new glasses!!!! Oh, what a beautiful day. I will actually get to give my eyes a rest for once. Yea!!! And thank goodness for moms. She's taking us shopping. I'm so glad. It seems that I've lost some weight and now I don't have any clothes to wear. Really, I don't. Every day I wear the same pair of athletic shorts and t-shirts. I wear the same pair of shorts because every other pair of shorts I have are too big and if I roll them up as many times as I need to, they are then way too short and I look like a hootchie! It's sad really, I have no dress clothes. Not a single thing. I only have like 4 nice shirts that actually fit and no pants. What is a girl to do? Losing weight is nice, but not when you have to buy a whole new wardrobe because of it.

Oh, for those of you who were wondering, my trip to Charleston last weekend was amazing. My sis and I had a wonderful time talking and catching up. My Pop-Pop was hilarious as usual and we got free food, that was delicious. I also got to spend quality time with my cousin, Rachel, which is unheard of. We went shopping down town. Whoo! Hoo! And....drum roll please....I got three new ministry partners!!! Is God good or what? It wasn't difficult, it was easy and God was there the whole time.

Ok, did anyone watch The Bachelor on Wednesday night? It's ladies night at our house, in which we watch the new show Lost and The Bachelor. The thing that I can't fathom at all is why Byron picked the tramp of all tramps. I'm sorry, that's mean, but truth is truth. She throws herself all over him and she flashes people and him, and swims naked, and walks around without a bra. I mean, really, lets be honest. She is rediculous. When he called out her name to get a rose, we were all screaming, we couldn't hardly believe he would pick her. It's absurd.

Friday, October 01, 2004

oh do the blessings come down!

Last night I had the amazing opportunity to go to Clemson for the evening and serve Kingdom Building Ministries. Dave Ward was giving his message, "In God's Eyes". Soooo good. I've heard it twice before, but it always rings true and God teaches me something more through it. It's great. Dave had a resource table so some alumni from this summer helped out. It was so great to see Mark Smyers, Matt Hambright, and Jenny VanDyke. It was great to hear about how they are transitioning back and how their lives are doing and just to talk to them. It was wonderful. Another great surprise was seeing Jeremy Kingsley there. I love that guy. He is so funny and just random and really encouraging. He brought his sidekick, Mark Canada. It was great to talk to both of them and see them and just chat. The whole night was wonderful. It felt great to be able to do something for KBM and give something back to them in return for everything they do for me. Good times were had by all. And...side note...I felt so intellectual or something along those lines. I was recording Dave speaking. I did it on a Mac computer. Very high tec. Are you impressed. You must be! I was impressed with myself personally.

And....drum roll please....I am finally going to Charleston!!!!!!! I leave this afternoon with my sis, Jen. We're going to visit Pop-Pop and I have a few ministry partner appointments set up. So I could use some prayers if you like and wouldn't mind. I'm so excited. I haven't been to Charleston since last Christmas. It's been a while. I do want to head to the beach. I know it's kind of cool out, but I just want to dip my toes in the water and walk along the sand. It's been years since I've been to the beach. How bad could it be? I'm excited about Pop-Pop, real sea-food, home cooking, seeing people I haven't seen in years, road trip with the sis, time with Julia, and bagels from Bagel Nation. Oh, the taste of a Frazzle bagel in my mouth. It's pure heaven I tell you. Don't be jealous, I'm going to Charleston!!!