Is it number 1?
I had a five hour drive back from Charleston today and I got to do a lot of thinking. I think that's the first time in a long time that I've been completely alone with my thoughts. I haven't been able to hear God speaking into my life very much lately. It's my fault because I haven't been spending time with Him. But I started to hear again ever so faintly today. It was soooo nice!
I've been thinking a lot about my dreams lately. The SVP at KBM asked me during my exit interview what my dreams for my life were. (I think I've talked about this before.) Sitting there with him, I told him the absolute truth (at least all that I knew at the time.)
I must admit, I'm very comfused at this time in my life. It seems that when I am immersed in Christ I have no dreams or desires to speak of and when I haven't been spending time with God I have so many things that I want to do and want to become. I'm wondering what that is about. There are two things that I can think of. One, that it is about my heart and mind being immersed in the world vs. Christ. Two, that it is about surrendering. The sond, "I Surrender All" by Clay Crosse talks about it. He says that sometimes you have to surrender your hopes and dreams. Yeah, I think that's it. That, by far, is the hardest thing for me to do. I have so many things that I want to do. There are so many things I want to accomplish, see, be and walk into. Sometimes I feel like life is too short to be able to do them all. Some of them include:
1. Go to graduate school for International Business
2. Go to law school.
3. Work at the UN.
4. Live in New England.
5. Live in Europe.
6. Get married.
7. Have lots of kids.
8. Live in a really big city.
9. See all seven continents.
10. See all the wonders of the world (modern and ancient).
There are plenty more. The list never seems to end and I keep adding things to it everyday. When the SVP asked me what my dreams were I couldn't think of ANY of those. Now I can. I contribute it to a few things. But I'm trying desperately to understand what God's doing. That may never happen. It's the trust thing I guess. Working on it:)
Another startling thing...my friend, Dimity, was here right after Thanksgiving and we got to talking about the topic of marriage with my mom one evening in the sunroom. Dimity says that she feels like that's her calling. Although I would love to get married and have heaps of children. I don't feel like it's my calling. She asked a very good question, "How much of a priority is getting married to you?" Well, I don't know. I wouldn't say it's at the ultimate number one. It's definitely up there, but I can say now that it's not number one. Like I said earlier, I have so many things I want to accomplish and do in life. In all seriousness, I would be honored and blessed to serve alongside the man that God has for me (if He does). But I need someone as driven as I am and who'll let me go for my dreams and goals as far-fetched as they may seem.
I've always said two things: "Crazy people get things done." and "If you want something bad enough, there is absolutely a way to get it. You just have to be willing to work hard and never quit." ~Kathryn :)
So...there are the thoughts that I've been dieing to put down all day.
I've been thinking a lot about my dreams lately. The SVP at KBM asked me during my exit interview what my dreams for my life were. (I think I've talked about this before.) Sitting there with him, I told him the absolute truth (at least all that I knew at the time.)
I must admit, I'm very comfused at this time in my life. It seems that when I am immersed in Christ I have no dreams or desires to speak of and when I haven't been spending time with God I have so many things that I want to do and want to become. I'm wondering what that is about. There are two things that I can think of. One, that it is about my heart and mind being immersed in the world vs. Christ. Two, that it is about surrendering. The sond, "I Surrender All" by Clay Crosse talks about it. He says that sometimes you have to surrender your hopes and dreams. Yeah, I think that's it. That, by far, is the hardest thing for me to do. I have so many things that I want to do. There are so many things I want to accomplish, see, be and walk into. Sometimes I feel like life is too short to be able to do them all. Some of them include:
1. Go to graduate school for International Business
2. Go to law school.
3. Work at the UN.
4. Live in New England.
5. Live in Europe.
6. Get married.
7. Have lots of kids.
8. Live in a really big city.
9. See all seven continents.
10. See all the wonders of the world (modern and ancient).
There are plenty more. The list never seems to end and I keep adding things to it everyday. When the SVP asked me what my dreams were I couldn't think of ANY of those. Now I can. I contribute it to a few things. But I'm trying desperately to understand what God's doing. That may never happen. It's the trust thing I guess. Working on it:)
Another startling thing...my friend, Dimity, was here right after Thanksgiving and we got to talking about the topic of marriage with my mom one evening in the sunroom. Dimity says that she feels like that's her calling. Although I would love to get married and have heaps of children. I don't feel like it's my calling. She asked a very good question, "How much of a priority is getting married to you?" Well, I don't know. I wouldn't say it's at the ultimate number one. It's definitely up there, but I can say now that it's not number one. Like I said earlier, I have so many things I want to accomplish and do in life. In all seriousness, I would be honored and blessed to serve alongside the man that God has for me (if He does). But I need someone as driven as I am and who'll let me go for my dreams and goals as far-fetched as they may seem.
I've always said two things: "Crazy people get things done." and "If you want something bad enough, there is absolutely a way to get it. You just have to be willing to work hard and never quit." ~Kathryn :)
So...there are the thoughts that I've been dieing to put down all day.
1 Comments:
What I've discovered is that so much "ministry" work is either delegated to us by others (not God) or we come up with some new plan and implement it (not God). The only thing is that Jesus never came up with a plan other than this...to hear the father and obey. Several times in John, Jesus says he does nothing on his own initiative only what he gets from the Father. The hard part is in listening to the Father and waiting to hear His voice and NOT doing anything until He has spoken. My tendency is to "do" something/anything, even good things when I'm trying to hear His voice. Often these "good" things I do bear no fruit. This is why I believe hearing God's voice is the primary skill for a disciple to learn...often the lessons come through trials, suffering, and brokenness.
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