Perfectionist

I have learned through a book that I'm reading, "The Search for Significance", that I am a perfectionist. Some of you may be saying, "I'm glad you finally realized that, I have known it for years!".  That's what my sister told me this afternoon as I sat at the kitchen table with her telling of my new revelation. 

 

So the book...I have always known that I'm significant in God's eyes.  So I was a little disturbed and kind of upset that my new organization made it a requirement for me to read before I left for the field.  But I have started it.  I have ready at max 50 pages.  And through those 50 pages I have learned that I'm a perfectionist.  I never considered myself one because I not a person that has to have things "perfect".  I always passed it off as "If you're doing going to do the best you can at it than don't do it.".  Apparently that's perfectionism. 

 

And we all know that I'm a goal-addict.  I love setting goals and acheiving them.  That's not so much a big deal as what I do to people while I'm trying to attain the goal!  I get so focused on the goal in front of me that I push ahead hard.  I love people to do it with me but if they're slowing me down or getting in my way at all I tend to push them out of the way or leave them behind and justify it as they are not goal-oriented and they're the ones with the problems.  This, of course, is not true. 

 

The basic truth here is that I find my significance in success.  And I believe this has something to do with an earlier post where I had written that I was struggling with what my next fews years held because I wasn't going after "success" in the world's eyes.  It was success that no one could see, not even me sometimes and that was hard.  I believe God's showing me a lot about myself and what it means to find my success in Him.  That may just well be one of the lessons that He wants to teach me through EA.  I'm sure there's more, but one thing at a time!