left out in the rain

I've had so much encouragement lately from so many different people in my life.  People that I don't even find myself that close to really.  It's funny.  Funny weird, not funny ha ha. 

 

And I know it was the Lord prompting them to do so.  So part of me wonders, do I need the encouragement?  I must if the Lord is sending it to me right?

 

I was thinking this this morning as I was pulling into the bank to try my new budget system out.

 

And then I thought, maybe I don't need the encouragement because I'm down and depressed, but rather as a way to push me forwards and say, "Keep going.  Your life is making a difference."

 

The past three/four weeks have been, well...something I didn't think I was ready for.  But they came anyway, and I guess I was ready for them, but wouldn't have ever put myself out there.  The Lord stuck me there and He shown through me. 

 

It's been a hard battle, and by no means, over.  But I'm seeing fruit from it.  I'm seeing the Lord work in people's lives.  I'm seeing the Holy Spirit turn their thinking upside down and shine through them.  I'm seeing the Lord turn my thinking upside down.  And for the first time in my life I'm honestly seeing the fruit from my actions, the actions that God called me to.  It's amazing! 

 

I have a ministerial job and I'm involved in the church and I always have been.  I've been involved in ministry my whole life, but have never felt like my actions directly affected another.  And here is God saying, "Keep going...".  So I will.

 

And it keeps the faith alive to constantly be wondering, "What is He going to do next?"

invitations

Well...I have spent this past weekend and this week making wedding shower invitations for my friend Kristen.  Actually  Brynn and I both worked hard on them.  But tonight is hopefully the end of it.  I made a few more today to hand out at Exodus (our small group) in case we forgot people or there were new people (we want everyone to feel welcome don't we?).

 

Last night I went over to some new and good friends of mine's house, Matt and Mille.  We had a really good time and wonderful food that they sent home with me!  We had Halibut and Salmon (caught by a friend of his in Alaska!) cooked on cedar planks.  We had potatoes, asparagus, spinach salad and cheese tortellini with a dip.  It was so yummy!  And then we ended the evening with the biggest chocolate chip cookie I've ever eaten (made by their daughter, Kelly).  She made it special for me:)  And they sent me home with some soy beans (oh, we also had those steamed), halibut and two cookies!  I'm saving it for a special occasion.

 

Maybe my special occasion will be this weekend!  My, Kristen and Brynn are going to the mountains!  This was planned a while back and we're all excited to get away for the weekend in Winter Park!  You know what we're going to do?

 

Nothing except hang out, take nice walks, read, eat good food, watch movies and chat up a storm!  Oh and we're tying tool around some vases for Kristen's wedding.  But that's going to take place during the movies, we won't even notice that we're doing it!  I don't think:)

 

And tonight...Exodus!  That's right baby.  We're studying Daniel and Twila's cooking.  I'm eatin' good again tonight!  25 people learning how to love God better and eatin' good food at the same time.  What better time could I be having on a Thursday night?  Ladies night somewhere?  I think not!

 

here

Just sitting here at my desk smelling someone else's yummy lunch.  Yummy!!! 

Goals

I've decided that I want to go back to Kenya. I want to see a lot of Africa. I miss it. I miss the air of it if you will. The slow pace and the natural beauty of it all is amazing. I want to go back. So...saving my money to get there.

And...saving my money to take the GMAT. I want to get my Master's. I know I've said that so many times. And it's not that I'm not ready to apply it's that my work schedule doens't allow me to commit to anything long-term with all of the traveling that I do. And...the GMAT costs $250. That's a big financial commitment as well as committing to pay for more schooling. Yikes! But yet, there it is. Two goals that are foreseeable and attainable. Trying for them.

You know, another goal that I have and I want to share it. I had the opportunity to share it last week but chickened out because I thought everyone would snicker or think I'm crazy for thinking this way so soon. But anyway... I want to be Godly wife and mother one day. That's a big goal that I have that I definitely want to continually work towards. Now, there's nothing I can do about being a wife and mother right now. That's in God's hands. But I can do something about the Godly part. So we work towards what we can with the resources that we have.

Hearts on Fire...

I was reading through the latest Laborer's Journal written by Kingdom Building Ministries (where I work).  I loved the last article.  I loved the whole journal.  (If any of you would like to start receiving the Laborer's Journal free of charge you can either send me your mailing address or go to our website at www.kbm.org and sign up for it.  Anyway, the last article talks about some stuff that I've been talking about on here recently.  I'm going to put some of the article below.  Please read.  You won't be disappointed.  It's good stuff.  Read on....

 

"The internal and external spiritual influences in our lives can either quench or fuel the fire within us.  As we spend time next to the influences of a spiritually cold world, our flame can grow dim.  But as we spend more time in intimate relationship with Jesus, the flame grows hotter and brighter."

 

-It makes me wonder why, if I want to be on fire for Jesus, we spend so much time in the world and see how close we can get to the world without being of it. 

 

"Unfortunately, much of what we've seen portrayed as Christianity in the past century has been a fireless counterfeit of what Jesus spoke of in the First Century. 

    Christian faith has often been reduced to church attendance.  And our concept of "church" has often been reduced to a fireless religious institution.

    That's why revolutionary firebrands don't often feel at home in local churches."

    -Is this ever you?

    "They're perceived as bring too hot to handle.

    Too unwilling to go along with the religious status quo.

    Too passionate about the things of God and not passionate enough about the traditions of men.

    Too uncomfortable to be around.

    -Are we too uncomfortable to be around?  Are we more passionate about the things of God rather than the things of man?  Are we going with the religious status quo?  I hope not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    "They're often treated like misfits by those who want to maintain the status quo of a comfortable faith.  And they feel like misfits.  So, they look for other misfits like themselves-wherever they can find them-so they can fuel their heart fires.

    But fiery passion for Jesus should not be abnormal!  It should be a hallmark of every Christian.  It should be the lifeblood of the church.

    -I completely agree!!!!!

    "Instead, many Christians are sitting in the pews, watching others outside the mainstream burn with a passionate and active faith.  They're content to follow a passed-down set of religious duties that aren't performed out of a passionate love for God.  They're perfunctory.  They're someone else's prescription.  They're a means of trying to earn God's favor.  But God is looking for people who will follow hard after Him because they love Him.

    Without a love relationship with God, our faith is fireless.  And when our faith is fireless, it's unappealing to those who are watching to see what Christianity looks like. 

    It's not at all contagious and it doesn't leave a transforming mark on the world.

    It looks empty and religious...because it is.

    It's even repulsive to unbelievers, because the fireplace-which is supposed to give off a warm glow-is, instead, cold with indifference.

    It's sad, but that's the picture many unbelievers have of Christians-cold, empty fireplaces.

    They've seen the religious form, but not the passionate fire...

    ...It's no wonder they're not interested in Christianity.

    We need to redefine what normal Christianity is!...

    ...Historians may someday describe us as self-absorbed, not God-consumed.

 

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other!  So because you are luke-warm-neither hot nor cold-I am about to spit you out of my mouth  (Revelation 3:15-16).

 

    Consider this a call to all who are living lukewarm lives.  It's time to let the fire burn within you.  It's time to push aside the spiritual complacency that has characterized your life and live passionately for the one and only cause that counts for eternity-loving God and building His eternal Kingdom.

 

I loved what all of this had to say.  Fire, catch it!  Are you flammable?

enjoying each other

This whole e-mailing my blog thing is quite handy.

 

We recently had this couple move into town to work with KBM and I thought it would be nice to have all the ladies in the office and the female spouses go out to lunch to welcome the newest lady to the KBM family. 

 

We went to Jason's Deli and had a wonderful time!  We had a ball!  It was so neat to have everyone together without the husbands and the children (the husbands did the baby-sitting!)  I just sat there looking around watching all the ladies laughing and talking and sharing.  We were all just enjoying each other's company.  There was no agenda and no specific topic to cover/discuss.  It was so relaxed.

 

I sat there thinking to myself, "I really enjoy people enjoying each other."  I love to create atmospheres and places and opportunties for people to have a good time while getting to know people and enjoying their company.  I think that's why I like to entertain so much.  No agenda.  No problem to be solved. 

 

The goal: New relationships and deepened relationships. 

 

Outcome: Goal accomplished!

 

Thanks to all the 12 ladies who came today for lunch and for welcoming Jessica with such open arms into the family at Kingdom Building Ministries.  There's no place I'd rather be!

this is deep

Nothing deep from my mind.  That bruise from falling yesterday is what's so deep! Man it hurts.  It's not even bruising yet because it's so deep. It hurts to walk and especially go up and down stairs.  Maybe I broke something.  You think?

 

I had dinner with a dear friend, Brynn, last night.  First of all, we went to Jason's Deli which was so yummy.  Salad bar and Spicy Seafood Gumbo that was delicious but definitely spicy!  And Jason's has the best sweet tea in Colorado.  It tastes a lot like McCalister's Deli in Columbia.  Maybe they share recipes!

 

Anyway, Brynn and I hung out there for 2.5 hours just talking about everything and nothing.  We planned a shower for our friend, Kristen and talked about our goals and things that were changing and church and things like that.  It was great fun with good food and a great friend!  I love times like that!

 

My friend Sara wrote me a neat email talking about Jesus' ministry and ministering to the lost.  I think this is one of those things that I struggle with as well.  What I mean is, what does it mean to "be all things to all people", to meet people where they are?  There is also a thin line there as well.  And so many of us see how close we can get to the world without sinning when that shouldn't be the goal.  We should be seeing how close we can get to Jesus and then His heart will naturally rub off on us and I really believe that we won't have to try so hard to "reach" the world with the message of love.  It will be shown from our actions, words, the way we love, forgiveness, etc. 

 

And there's more.  Paul talked all throughout the NT about freedom in Christ but being careful not to abuse that freedom with testing limits and lines.  Biblically we should steer clear of sinful circumstances.  Isn't our goal to be more like Christ and less like the world?  I thought that was it?

a little boo boo

So my knee is as we speak swelling.

 

I fell at the gas station this afternoon.  I had this great plan see.  I was on complete empty and got it pumping by itself and was going to sit in the passenger seat of my car and read my Bible.  As I TRIED to step over the gas pump cord thing I apparently didn't lift my foot high enough and I tripped over it and landed face first on the cement AT THE GAS STATION!  I hit my knee pretty hard and my hand. 

 

I sat there and thought, "This is so embarassing.  I fell at the gas station.  I'm on the ground AT THE GAS STATION.  Yuck!"  And then I thought, "I don't care if I'm on the ground.  This really hurts."  And then I started crying.  Yeah, I'm such a baby sometimes.

 

But this nice man came running over with his daughterfrom the complete other side of the gas station and helped me up.  And the daughter offerred to pump my gas for me.  But as I said, it was pumping by itself.  But it was nice of them to help.

 

I finished pumping my gas and got back in my car to inspect my "wounds".  No bleeding, just bruising.  And we all know that I bruise like a peach, so this should be interesting tomorrow.  I mean, I still have a bruise on my arm from playing VOLLEYBALL 10 days ago!

 

I drove past the man and his daughter and thanked them again for helping me.  There really are nice people in the world.  I wish I could have bought them dinner or something.  I felt like they deserved more than a "Thank you".

 

Oh, I almost forgot!  Today is my 1 year anniversary at Kingdom Building Ministries!  Isn't that great?!?!?  It feels like I've only been here a month!  It's so crazy.  My boss gave me a nice card and a gift card to Starbucks and so many people on staff wrote me nice notes congratulating me and encouraging me.  It was a nice day!

Desserts

This goes without saying of course but everything is better a la mode!!

 

Now...some of my favorite ice creams...brace yourself, it's going to make you hungry:)

 

1.  Baskin Robbin's German Chocolate Cake (that's only here during November so when that's not here I go to Cold Stone and get theirs (still yummy!))

 

2.  Cold Stone's Apple Pie Dream thing

 

3.  Dairy Queen's Georgia Mud Fudge-substitute the cocoa fudge for caramel

 

4.  Starbuck's Java Chip

 

5.  Breyer's Mississippi Mud Fudge

 

6.  Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough

 

7.  Breyer's Butter Pecan (that's pronounced "pee can")

 

8.  Marble Slab's Cake Batter with crushed up Almond Joys

 

9.  Hagan Daaz' Mango Sorbet

 

10.  Snicker's Ice Cream Bars

I'm so tired!

Yeah, I'm sooo tired!  This weekend was definitely not a restful one.  It was fun, but not restful. 

 

Friday I ran some errands and went shopping with my friend, Liana and watched a movie, or rather a couple, that night.  Saturday was an early day with more shopping and then baking all afternoon.  I was in charge of dessert for Easter and so I went to town.  I love any excuse I have to try new recipes and let others enjoy them.  It's no fun if it's just me.

 

I made an Italian Cream Cake, Lemon Nut White Chip cookies, decorated cup for the kids and an Apple Pie.  Yummy!  Yes, that took all afternoon.  And then I went to see "Failure to Launch" which I have to say was a cute movie and made me want a sailboat and someone to sail with. 

 

For my 16th birthday me and a friend spent the night on a sailboat in the Charleston Harbor.  That was really a lot of fun.  My first time on a sailboat and my first time having Loaded Baked Potato Potato Chips from Lays.  It's funny how you remember those things don't you?  Yeah.

 

Yesterday was such a beautiful day!  Went to church and enjoyed a great message by Jim and one of my favorite songs by Hillsong United-Salvation is Here.  It was good.  And then I hung out with my new friends, Matt and Mille Nelson who moved here from Alabama.  And some new people on staff, Mark and Tonya Roberts who moved here from Florida.  I'm excited about what God's got planned for our church in the coming months/years!  It's going to be awesome!

 

Anyway, it wasn't my typical Easter, but it was still good.  At first I was sad cause I called my parents on my way home from church and they were all at my aunt and uncle's house with my Pop-Pop, aunts and uncles and all of my cousins.  But I had a bar-b-que at the Aurora Reservoir with the Nelsons and Roberts and another couple from Pensacola.  The food was great, with burgers and dogs and some expensive cheese and these chips that were way too hot to think about eating.  We had those yummy desserts and got in trouble for going to a restricted part of the beach. 

 

And then, because my desserts weren't quite even close to being eaten I made rounds to friends houses and dropped some off.  Thank goodness for good friends willing to eat.  Brian called it "Ministry by Food Disposal".  I thought it was fitting! 

 

So...a good time was had by all!  And...side note, I've started reading Daniel and what a great book that is!  I've read it before, but it's been a long time!  I'm getting so much out of this!  It's wonderful!

 

 

 

So...I've been really concerned/frustrated/bothered by a few things that have gone in the past few days, actually one week to be exact.

 

I feel at a loss of what to do, if anything about this situation, wondering if it's hopeless.  Let me try to explain/elaborate.

 

Remember a post a wrote, I think two posts ago about alcohol?  Okay, this is a subject that continually comes up out here between me and well...some of my friends. 

 

I know I have said it before, but I don't find anything wrong with the alcohol, the actual drink or consumption of it.  But...you have to know your culture, where you are, the people you're with, what's expected of you or not expected of you, the outcomes from drinking it, and (here's the kicker) how it all affects your witness for Christ. 

 

I find this topic similar to the topic of clothing, relationships, cussing, etc.  To explain: the issue of "inappropriate" clothing is not stated directly in the Bible.  It talks about not making your brother or sister stumble and it talks of being of modest dress.  Who determines what modest is and who determines what inappropriate is?  Then there the issue of relationships.  Some people believe that relationships between girls and guys are just like same sex friendships.  Some think that they should be totally separate.  There are lines that could be crossed and those lines are thin and gray.  But who determines the lines?  What is appropriate?  Then there's cussing.  The Bible talks about only using language the is useful to others and builds them and not letting any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth.  Well...apparently cussing is considered wholesome and uplifting and encouraging to others within Christian circles because I'm hearing it all around me.

 

And here we are again at the alcohol.  Biblically, you're not supposed to get drunk.  Ok.  But what about drinking alcohol altogether?  Everyone in the Bible did it, so why can't I, is what people are saying?  Point taken.  But then there's scripture talking about not making your brother or sister stumble and there's the whole thing about if your brother finds meat to be unclean then don't eat meat around them to be respectful.  Ok.  There's the witness within the culture you're in and the people that you're around.

 

All of this, alcohol, cussing, clothing, guy/girl relationships are all topics that I stand firm on my convictions of.  But as I've noted within the past week and a couple of conversations, including one I had last night with two other people, people don't listen to my convictions or think they're worth anything because they think that I have them because I'm from the South and have a conservative background rather than thinking, uh, maybe it's because that's what God's convicted me of?  Why do I get written off immediately because I'm from the South?  Has anyone stopped to think that great things can come from the South? 

 

Maybe the real problem is not that I am too conservative but the world has become too liberal and open with everything.  Just a thought. 

 

I'm concerned because all of these major issues are becoming "no big deals" within Christian circles and eventually won't be on the radar at all.  I'm starting to not be able to tell the difference between Christians and Non-Christians.  Where's the light in the darkness?  Where are the people in Jesus likeness that stick out like a sore thumb in a crowd?  I'm just as guilty.  Sometimes it's easier to blend than to stick out, I get it. 

 

But God's showing me that it's worth it.  Even among Christians where I should blend with them, I'm sticking out and it's okay.  I tried to blend for too long.  It's enough.  I have to ask myself, "What is my legacy?  Is Jesus smiling or shaking His head at me?  Am I a bright light or a dim one or even maybe adding to the darkness? 

 

Just a lot of stuff that I'm wrestling through and trying to figure out for myself.  Thanks for letting me share.

 

Kathryn

 

 

 

 

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Oh the mess

So here I am sitting in my office TRYING to get it organized and clean.  We have some people coming through the office this afternoon and the VP has called a clean office day.  This is good, it's finally motivating me to clean it.  The problem is that I really don't have places to put some of these things and don't know where they would go if they had a spot.  What is a girl to do?  I'm definitely overwhelmed here.  I clean one mess and make another one.  It's a recurring cycle of messiness.

Running and running and running and running...

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7

Yesterday in church we had the BEST message I think I've ever heard there-at least one of the best. In the beginning they talked about loving your friends and what it means to lay your life down for them. And I thought, "What does it mean to lay down my life for my friends?" And...what is a true friend?

Then they went into martyrs and the story of Stephen. Which brings me to another interesting point. Every time scripture talks about Jesus being at the right hand of God it says he is "seated at the right hand of God". But in Acts when Stephen is dying he looks up and sees Jesus "standing at the right hand of God". Interesting isn't it? I have NEVER seen that or realized it before. I thought it was neat.

Anyway, the service went through all the martyrs of the Bible and told a little bit about their story and then told of other martyrs around the world. It referred to the scripture that I mentioned at the beginning as something that Paul said at the end of his life and then it hit me right between the eyes.

I had quit running.

(Sinking stomach.)

I have always thought of myself as someone who persevered through anything. I never thought I quit anything. I'm a fighter; a survivor. Right? Well...I don't know. I think in most things I am. But in this instance, my spiritual relationship got REALLY hard in India and when I got back I was so tired from fighting for it through that whole month in India that I just stopped. I quit running. I'm so mad at myself, but thankful that I now see what I did. And you know, it's not something that I may feel like doing, but I just have to make a decision and do it, right?

I mean, listen to how God has worked this in me. I have kind of recently began to enjoy running. I enjoy it so much that sometimes I go twice a day. I know, weird, huh? Anyway, there are some points where I'm tired and I want to stop, but I think to myself, "Kathryn, you're just tired, you're not going to die. Suck it up and KEEP RUNNING!"

So the same goes for my spiritual walk. I'm sucking it up and I'm going to keep running! Who wants to cheer me on!?!?!?! And where's that finish line? It's Heaven baby! All I got to say is that I hope there's a ribbon to run through and a huge thing of orange Gatorade waiting for me:)

On another completely different note. I'm reading this AMAZING book called "Non Violent Communication: A Language of Life" by Marshal Rosenburg. This is a must-read for anyone planning on not living like a hermit for the rest of their life. Really, it's extremely helpful on how to communicate with people and how to receive what they're saying as well. I've only read about 25 pages and it's already changed a lot of how I think and talk.

Point is...I'm talking to a friend the other night and we grew up very differently, mainly in two very different parts of the country which bring different cultures in. I thought we were just sharing and talking and then it turned into something different. I think... I tried my best not to give an opinion but actual facts and I'm pretty sure that's what I did. But we were talking about alcohol.

I don't find anything wrong with it as long as it's legal, is not abused and it used in controlled situations and environments. He had said that me and another friend of ours (me and this friend are both from the South) were legalistic. You know, I can say that I may have legalistic tendencies and so could she, but it's not fair to make such a judgment on us based on a few instances or situations and to make such a generalization on all people from the South.

I was trying to help him understand that in the South it is taught that alcohol is bad and people who drink alcohol are bad. Now I know that this is a wrong generalization made by the South in regards to other people. But there it is nonetheless. This teaching if you will is taught by the church in A LOT of churches, not all mind you, but a lot and I was taught it be EVERYONE that surrounded me. I was just trying to explain to him that when that's all you're taught by anyone and everyone that's influential in your life, it's hard to think any differently you know?

That's why I'm so glad I moved out of there at least for a little while. I was exposed to new things and new thinking, some of which is not prefferable, but some is great!

This guy just responded to me talking about the South with, "Haven't you read the Bible? Why don't you read it and think for yourself?" Okay, that's nice, right? I never responded. What was I going to say to someone who didn't seem like they wanted to hear anyone's thoughts or opinoins on it. He just didn't seem like he wanted to understand at all.

You know, I know that I have a lot of things that I need to work through. But I'm trying. I'm trying really hard. I have come such a long way since I left the South. Now, there are some things that I don't like about the South like the legalism that CAN be present as well as the racism and I definitely don't like the humidity. But there are some wonderful things about the South liek the traditions, the history, the architecture, the scenery, the family-style atmosphere, the chivalry and the etiquette. I have been hard-pressed to find much of that out here. And although there are instances of legalism in some old-school churches there, there are amazing mega-churches popping up there that are doing AWESOME things for God. Check out New Spring Community Church at www.newspring.cc or North Point Community Church at www.northpoint.org

I'm not sure where I was going with all of that except to say that you shouldn't judge someone based on others and based on a few things you've heard. Get to know me first, I'm not bad, really. And the other is that we should always be open to listening to others and trying to understand. Thanks to all of you who listen and listen well. I love you.

Learning to deal

Yesterday marked my first day of what some might consider counseling.  And...it was wonderful.  I think I always had this judgement of what counseling was and what is was not.  But after going, I can only now think it helpful.

I went to discuss India.  I had not been debriefed on it and for some reason I don't want to talk about or have anything to do with it.  There's something lying beneath the trip that I haven't quite found yet.

 

But we ended up backtracking to some stuff that happened in October and then in the months that followed but actually never got to India. 

 

I discovered that I have a lot of baggage and there are a lot of emotions that are bubbling at my surface, hence part of the reason I don't want to talk about India. 

 

[Side note]  India was a bad trip (not that God didn't work or didn't do anything amazing, because He did) and there are so many emotions involved there and others that are from the past that I feel like if I talk about India at all I will explode and just vomit these emotions on people that they're not ready for. 

 

So there were some pretty significant things that happened with me in the past six months and they affected me more than I thought they did. 

 

I talked through some people who had hurt and what they had done and some things that people had said to me that hurt and unfair expectations that were put on me and how that was hurting me and how I was responding to them all.  I was basically shoving them down and trying to ignore them, hence, the feeling of erupting in tears anytime things get even a little overwhelming. 

 

My friend and I decided that the best thing for me was to do some emotional journaling and seeking God on a Day Alone With God and then approach these people who had hurt me or were hurting me and talk to them. 

 

I want so badly to have healthy relationships with people and not just "live" but live well!  And all of this emotional baggage has led to unhealthy relationships with others.  I'm more concerned about them and how me talking to them will make them feel rather than how I'm feeling.  I discovered that this is not healthy.  Duh, right?  Yeah, well, it took me a little while.

 

I'm on my way and slowly but surely getting healing from all of this.  And although I haven't been as close to the Lord as I once was (at least in prayer and Bible study), I feel closer to Him in a different way.  In a kind of vulnerable, open and empty way.  It's different and I feel as though this whole ordeal, however long it takes, will lead me closer to God than ever before.  It's just going to take time, which is one thing I have.  So we're taking it slow, which is fine by me.