Remembering why

Today I was reminded on many things that I'm thankful for and many reasons as to why.

 

First off, I'm reading a wonderful book called "The Search for Significance" by Robert S. McGee.  Today while sitting in Starbucks drinking my peppermint hot chocolate I was reading about how our parents are to be models of Christ's love for us.  And if they aren't the models they are supposed to be, trying as hard as they can, God still puts relationships or friendships in your path as people to be those models for you.  As I was reading about this I was reminded of how blessed I am by the many friendships I have all over this country and this world and how truly incredible those people are.  I can think of so many examples of times when my friends of shown me Christ's love and been a perfect of example of grace to me.  How truly thankful I am.

 

I also sat down with my mom today to show her the new Pioneers video that I got in the mail a couple of weeks ago.  I hadn't even watched it yet.  I wanted her to see it so that she would be better acquainted with Pioneers and feel more comfortable with me working with them.  But little did I know that I was the one who needed to see it.

 

I sat there astonished at how my heart was leaping out of my chest and how glad I was that it was doing it.  It had been a long time.  There were times that I was overwhelmed at what I was hearing and what I was seeing, but more at how the Lord was speaking to me.  He was reminding me of my calling.  I have been fighting it still, having questions and doubts of what the future holds for me not wanting to trust Him because it was just too difficult.  A girl spoke on the video about how a life that is not completely devoted and surrendered to God is no life worth living and I would have to agree.  I remember back to even a couple of months ago when I was more surrendered than I have ever been.  I was engrossed in the Word and I had a solid group of encouraging believers encouraging me daily and two amazing, amazing girlfriends that spurred me on to holiness.  This I miss greatly!  The joy and peace I felt was indescribable and I want it back.  The problem is that I was depending on them and not God to be my source of encouragement.  Christ is my true home.  There will be many times while I am overseas that I will be "alone".  In those places Christ will be my home.  I am understanding now that God is using this time away from my life in Colorado to prepare me for overseas. 

 

God, prepare my heart to make it home for you, to make you my home. Be my complete joy, encouragement and peace.   Open my eyes to see you in every facet of this world and allow me to look in the eyes of those who don't know you and see that they too are to be loved and that it's not too late. 

Christmas survey

Christmas MEME

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot Chocolate-I love flavored ones with marshmallows
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just set them under the tree? Santa does both in our house, but the wrapped ones are signed by him!
3. Colored Light on Tree/House or White? White
4. Do you hang mistletoe? Nope.
5. When do you put your decorations up? Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving. This year it was very gradual.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Pineapple casserole
7. Favorite holiday memory as a child? Waking up to go to the restroom and peering over the banister upstairs to see my dad building a doll house (this was Christmas Eve) that was for me!
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? My best friend in 3rd grade, Angie Auberry, told me one day at school when we were swinging on the monkey bars. I didn't believe and when my mom was tucking me in that night I asked her and she told me the truth and we both just sat there and cried.
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Never as a child, but occasionally as we got older.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree? It's decorated with a lot of glass-blown ornaments that my mom has collected as well as all the ornaments that us kids have made for them growing up and ones my mom has received from students. It has lights on it and beads.
11. Snow. Love it or dread it? I love it always! I love driving in it and spinning out in parking lots! I love sitting inside by the far with cocoa.
12. Can you ice skate? Yes, but nothing too fancy!
13. Do you remember your favorite gift? My favorite gift was the doll house I mentioned earlier!
14. What’s the most important thing about Christmas to you? Jesus and family.
15. What is your favorite holiday dessert? Italian Cream Cake
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Reading Luke 2 on Christmas Eve with my family and having friends and neighbors over on Christmas day for dessert and coffee.
17. What tops your tree? Nothing right now.
18. Which do you prefer, giving or receiving? Giving. I like to see their faces when they really love it!
19. What is your favorite Christmas song? "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas"
20. Candy Canes. Yuck or Yum? If it's a really good one than it's so yummy. It has to be a really sweet one.

Blog I'm Tagging:
Amy

Perfectionist

I have learned through a book that I'm reading, "The Search for Significance", that I am a perfectionist. Some of you may be saying, "I'm glad you finally realized that, I have known it for years!".  That's what my sister told me this afternoon as I sat at the kitchen table with her telling of my new revelation. 

 

So the book...I have always known that I'm significant in God's eyes.  So I was a little disturbed and kind of upset that my new organization made it a requirement for me to read before I left for the field.  But I have started it.  I have ready at max 50 pages.  And through those 50 pages I have learned that I'm a perfectionist.  I never considered myself one because I not a person that has to have things "perfect".  I always passed it off as "If you're doing going to do the best you can at it than don't do it.".  Apparently that's perfectionism. 

 

And we all know that I'm a goal-addict.  I love setting goals and acheiving them.  That's not so much a big deal as what I do to people while I'm trying to attain the goal!  I get so focused on the goal in front of me that I push ahead hard.  I love people to do it with me but if they're slowing me down or getting in my way at all I tend to push them out of the way or leave them behind and justify it as they are not goal-oriented and they're the ones with the problems.  This, of course, is not true. 

 

The basic truth here is that I find my significance in success.  And I believe this has something to do with an earlier post where I had written that I was struggling with what my next fews years held because I wasn't going after "success" in the world's eyes.  It was success that no one could see, not even me sometimes and that was hard.  I believe God's showing me a lot about myself and what it means to find my success in Him.  That may just well be one of the lessons that He wants to teach me through EA.  I'm sure there's more, but one thing at a time!

To head back

I'm leaving South Carolina today after a wonderful time with great friends! I'm driving back to North Carolina for a doctor's appointment and then dinner with great friends in Durham. This has been very beneficial for me:)

Back to routine

Well...I started back to the routine I had in Colorado-waking up at 4:30am and going to the gym before work. I woke up this morning feeling surprisingly refreshed and ready to go. I didn't feel tired. But...when I started working out I could feel the difference between 5:30 in the morning and 3:30 in the afternoon. It made such a difference. I had to continually keep talking myself into continuing to work out. Got ready at the gym and headed to work. Getting ready didn't take me nearly as long as it normally does. I thought it would take longer being in a place that is not normal. So...I got work a whole hour early. We won't be doing that again! But it's aloud me to sit here and do this so I'm grateful!

Today is a busy day filled with substitute teaching and looking for jobs. I started the job search yesterday and was pleasantly surprised at how nice and helpful people were. I will continue today, hopefully with some tangible evidence of my effort. And tonight me and the fam are headed to the Four Seasons mall to visit my sister who works at Chick-Fil-A over the Christmas break. I haven't had Chick-Fil-A in sooo long! I'm really excited. And...of course we'll do a little shopping. I'm just glad to go out and eat. I've been making dinner almost every night for the fam, which I love to do. But I just miss going out. My friend, Jessica, was right, I go out to eat a lot. I really do. I mean I did. I loved it. I love trying new foods and having great conversation with good friends over food. Call it a Southern bone in me or call it me. Whatever you will, I love it and I miss it. So...needlesstosay, I am excited about tonight's adventure.

Tomorrow morning I leave for Anderson, SC where a friend of mine from college is getting married in the evening. I will make a little pit stop at Concord Mills and do a little shopping! Let's see, what do I need?: a wrap for over my dress at the wedding, a sweater and some Christmas gifts for some friends. I hope I find some good stuff. I have been researching online and looking at what the stores offer so that I know where to go and I can go right in and get it! And I'll be staying the weekend with my very good friend, Sara and her husband. She and I always have a blast together and we're going to do again. And we're going to the bagel shop while I'm there, which we both love and used to go to a lot in college. Oh the good times:)

Speaking of this wedding...I'm a little nervous about it. I haven't seen some of these people in a long time. Like 2.5 years. And the people I have seen in the meantime I haven't talked to very much. I'm really excited don't get me wrong, just a little nervous at the same time. It's kind of like a reunion but not so long.

Buns of steel!

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree...something, something, something, something.... Yes, that should have been sung to some tune. Sorry, no audio to go along with this. But you can imagine!

Yeah, we got our Christmas tree this afternoon. Me, Jenn and mom went. Surprisingly, it didn't take an hour. It only took about 15 or 20 minutes of actually looking at trees. And we got a really tall one that is very fat. And so it stands in our den with no ornaments and no lights. We're too pooped to do anything with it. That will have to wait until tomorrow.

Oh, the buns of steel title, right! Jenn and I went to an aerobics class this morning that about killed us. It was 90 minutes of sculpting. Craziness I tell you. Absolute madness. My legs feel like jelly as of right now and they really hurt. That should help you imagine how they're going to feel tomorrow.

Ok, question for ya. What do you think about this whole "politically correct" thing that America started last year in regards to Christmas? What about the insanity that is happening this Christmas? I had a friend from Australia ask us last week, "Why is America trying to get rid of God?" Good question. It's sad and a bit frightening. I want to know why no one is standing up for the Christians in all of this? Where are the people fighting for OUR rights as Christians? The rest of this world is protecting everyone but Christians and no one seems to care. Do we have Christian lawyers? ARE YOU OUT THERE? (Little bit of a tangent!)

Anyway, what do you think about the whole thing? More importantly, what are you going to do about it?

I do what I don't want to do

I went to a Bible study this morning with my mom. It's a very popular one. In fact, there's a waiting list to get in. We were invited by one of the teachers. Anyway, they were discussing Romans 7. Starting in verse 14 Paul is talking about how he doesn't do what he wants to do and he does do what he doesn't want to do. Amen brother! Anyone else totally agree with what Paul was saying?

I think this characteristic may be the only way that I am like Paul, at least right now. But it's comforting. He was a pretty mature believer and yet, there is he his talking about the exact frustrations that I often feel. I'm so glad he was so honest and not too proud to write about his struggles. It helps to remind people like me that I'm not a hopeless case and I don't have to be perfect.

Yay for open hearts and fast fingers!

Is it number 1?

I had a five hour drive back from Charleston today and I got to do a lot of thinking. I think that's the first time in a long time that I've been completely alone with my thoughts. I haven't been able to hear God speaking into my life very much lately. It's my fault because I haven't been spending time with Him. But I started to hear again ever so faintly today. It was soooo nice!

I've been thinking a lot about my dreams lately. The SVP at KBM asked me during my exit interview what my dreams for my life were. (I think I've talked about this before.) Sitting there with him, I told him the absolute truth (at least all that I knew at the time.)

I must admit, I'm very comfused at this time in my life. It seems that when I am immersed in Christ I have no dreams or desires to speak of and when I haven't been spending time with God I have so many things that I want to do and want to become. I'm wondering what that is about. There are two things that I can think of. One, that it is about my heart and mind being immersed in the world vs. Christ. Two, that it is about surrendering. The sond, "I Surrender All" by Clay Crosse talks about it. He says that sometimes you have to surrender your hopes and dreams. Yeah, I think that's it. That, by far, is the hardest thing for me to do. I have so many things that I want to do. There are so many things I want to accomplish, see, be and walk into. Sometimes I feel like life is too short to be able to do them all. Some of them include:

1. Go to graduate school for International Business
2. Go to law school.
3. Work at the UN.
4. Live in New England.
5. Live in Europe.
6. Get married.
7. Have lots of kids.
8. Live in a really big city.
9. See all seven continents.
10. See all the wonders of the world (modern and ancient).

There are plenty more. The list never seems to end and I keep adding things to it everyday. When the SVP asked me what my dreams were I couldn't think of ANY of those. Now I can. I contribute it to a few things. But I'm trying desperately to understand what God's doing. That may never happen. It's the trust thing I guess. Working on it:)

Another startling thing...my friend, Dimity, was here right after Thanksgiving and we got to talking about the topic of marriage with my mom one evening in the sunroom. Dimity says that she feels like that's her calling. Although I would love to get married and have heaps of children. I don't feel like it's my calling. She asked a very good question, "How much of a priority is getting married to you?" Well, I don't know. I wouldn't say it's at the ultimate number one. It's definitely up there, but I can say now that it's not number one. Like I said earlier, I have so many things I want to accomplish and do in life. In all seriousness, I would be honored and blessed to serve alongside the man that God has for me (if He does). But I need someone as driven as I am and who'll let me go for my dreams and goals as far-fetched as they may seem.

I've always said two things: "Crazy people get things done." and "If you want something bad enough, there is absolutely a way to get it. You just have to be willing to work hard and never quit." ~Kathryn :)

So...there are the thoughts that I've been dieing to put down all day.