Saturday, January 27, 2007

The right questions...and answers

I had coffee with a good friend of mine today, Hannah. She went to India with me last February. I haven't seen her since last March. She was in town and so we got together for an hour. It was so great to see her. I couldn't believe we were there. Neither could she. We were both in shock that we were actually talking to each other face to face. It was wonderful to see her.

We were talking and catching up and I had an epiphany. I was telling her about that book I'm reading, "The Search for Significance" and about my future and so forth when it all became clear to me. I base my worth on my performance. This I am learning that I do. But we were talking about dreams and how mine are very murky right now, which is different for me. But I think it's a good thing. I have part of me that has these big dreams of going "far" in life. Then I have the other part of me, that part that wants to raise my children anywhere but the US and wants to live a simple life without all the "things" this world offers and we don't need. It's like I'm two different people.

What became so clear to me while talking to Hannah was that the big dreams that I have of being CEO of a company one day may just be the lies in me speaking. What I'm talking about are those lies that tell me that the only thing that makes me important or significant is what I can do for others or how well I perform. If I get a Masters degree and can move up in a company and be this "accomplished" person that has gone far then people will admire me and I will have performed well. So I have to ask myself the question, "Is this what I really want for my life or is this the Good Performance=Significance me talking?" Of course, I think that in order to truly answer this question and know for sure I'm going to have to do some more searching and God's going to have to do some more revealing in my heart.

It's good. I'm eager to look deeper. I want to find the answers to these questions that I know only the Lord can give. I definitely don't want to chase afters dreams that will only take me further away from what I really want even though I don't know exactly what that is yet.

Isn't it amazing how you think you know yourself so well only to realize that you have so much more to learn?

Friday, January 26, 2007

Used to's

Here are some things that I used to not like but I love now. [I can't believe I didn't like them at some time.]

1. Pizza-I know, what was I thinking? Now I crave it!
2. Caramel
3. Ice cream on top of any dessert-I used to only like it on the side. Now anything with ice cream on it tastes better that way!
4. Peanut Butter
5. Diet sodas
6. Coffee
7. Hot tea
8. Running
9. Eating healthy
10. Cauliflower
11. Spicy foods
12. Indian food
13. Being by myself
14. Cooking
15. Children
16. Headbands
17. Jeans
18. The news
19. Apples
20. Country Music

I could go on...but I won't. Can you believe all of this? It's crazy. They say your taste buds change every seven years. I'm glad. I think maybe all of you changes every seven years. This is a good thing. I see things only getting better from here on:)

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Through the eyes of a child

Today I was Miss [LAST NAME] to a classroom of 20 3rd graders.  I hope I'm not "that" substitute that weird or mean or the one that they dread.  I don't think I am.  But I hope not.  I know that I am known throughout the school as the sub that wears pointy shoes.  Kids...you really make a difference you know?  :)
 
After school today I was taking a group of elementary school students over to location T for their pickup and I was talking with another teacher.  We were watching a little boy climb all over a parking space blocker thingy.  Yeah, real technical term.  I don't know what they're called.  They are those cement blocks at the front end of the parking space that tells you you're up far enough and don't go any further.  Anyway, he was climbing all over this and using his huge imagination to pretend he was on top of some reptile, scaling his back and chasing someone. 
 
We were laughing and I was thinking how great, he has a wonderful imagination and at the same time thinking, "Some day he'll realize that it's just a piece of cement."  The other teacher pointed out something very important.  She said something to the point of, "Isn't it amazing how children find excitement in doing, seeing and experiencing almost anything?"  I just stood there thinking "Yeah, it really is." 
 
There I was thinking to myself that one day that child will finally realize what the truth is and then he'll wake up.  But the truth is, everything around is remarkable and exciting.  We as adults have just "lost that lovin' feelin'" about things.  We no longer find it exciting because either people have told us the "truth" like I was hoping that boy would recognize or we have taken it for granted. 
 
Why do we feel too stupid to get excited about the little things, to want the mundane or to act silly with friends.  Look through the eyes of a child and you'll see "a whole new world" around you.  Look through the eyes of a child and everything becomes new and exciting and something ready to conquer and explore.  Maybe then we'll get our dreams back or at least remember how to dream.

 

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Change in weather

Amazing how the weather has gone from 75 to 30 in a matter of two days. I was in shorts and a t-shirt and now I'm in a huge puffy coat with as much clothing on as I can get! And I'm still cold! It actually snowed here overnight and throughout the day! We couldn't believe it. It hasn't snowed here in like five years! I got a taste of what's going on in CO!

And...you know that 24-hour virus they're talking about on the news that's similar to the flu? Yeah, I experienced it last night. In the middle of the night to be exact. It was awful. I never get sick and then all-of-a-sudden there it is.

And today started my ten days of baby-sitting two kids from my church while their parents are in Aruba. I'm a little nervous about keeping them entertained, but excited too!

Oh and I got a job finally. I start on Thursday at the GAP! All of you know what this means for me! Discounts at my two favorite stores: GAP and Banana Republic. Whoo! Hoo! Remember Kathryn, you need to save your money not spend it all on clothes. This is going to be a test of the will I tell you. But I did get a job and they're flexible. Praise the Lord!

Well...I need to go make the kiddos some dinner.

Wednesdays Menu for dinner:
Grilled shrimp
Sauteed zucchini with onion
Linguine with baby portobello mushrooms
Parmesan muffins
Spinach salad

Tonights dinner:
Coconut shrimp
Velveeta shells and cheese
Fruit

Friday, January 12, 2007

New duties

I have not been myself lately, not at all! There are so many reasons why and so many examples I could share, but we won't go there.

I visited a new church last Sunday to try and find maybe a piece of the small group I had in Colorado. I don't think I ever will, but we still hope! Yeah, well...didn't find it there. I go into this "singles" group on Sunday moring. Oh they're single alright. They range from like 27 to 50 and everything in between. It's mostly single older men. They were very nice and even treated me to lunch, but I just don't think it's going to work out. (Isn't this something you hear when someone is breaking up with you?:))

So I'm trying a new place this Sunday and then the next. Wish me luck.

I have continued in my duties as cook in our house and I'm still loving it. I don't believe I've made anything twice yet. I've been making all sorts of muffins: sweet potato muffins, parmesan muffins, etc. And last night I made Eggplant Chicken Parmigiana with whole wheat pasta and a yummy salad. We are eating well and I think a little too well!

You'll be happy to know that I have started scheduling my vision nights, training, meetings with people and so forth so that I can get this support raising underway. I'm excited! It's been a long time of prep for this.

I'm out to pick my brother up from school. He's sick today:( It's nice to be able to spend any time with him.